I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
