My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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