She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
