Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
