I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
