Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
