I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk is a universal language darling
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