...so i touched it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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