Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
