You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
