you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
