Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
