I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
