my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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