just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
