So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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