just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
