I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
