I am puke
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just invented taco cereal.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
