butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
