you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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