there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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