But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
