You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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