sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
