garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
