Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
