he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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