my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
