I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
