I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
