in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
