Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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