you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
