party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
