I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
not ubering you a puppy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize