Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
