what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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