I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
