i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
