I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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