a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
