I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
