what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
