does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
