Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
