What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
