this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
