I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
