Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
