I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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