Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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