i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
