i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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