He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
