NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize