Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
