The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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