Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want her autograph on my taint
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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