I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
