Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize