Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
