two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
