if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
