I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
