those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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