I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
