New low: just hacked my moms facebook
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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