somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
