Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize