I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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