We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize