I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
