Whod you bang
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
