This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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