If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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