Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
