I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
