Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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