I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
