I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
