WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
