Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
