oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your cock deserves a montage
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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