508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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