Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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