dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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