So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
