I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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