i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
PANTIES FOUND
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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