So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
