Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
