Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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