Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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