He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
