I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
