I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
