That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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