Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
