the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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