Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
