things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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