So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
