yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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