I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize