You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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