We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
