what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
