I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
