First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
