What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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