I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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