I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
