I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
