How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
