I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
