I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize