while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
