I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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