I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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