Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you had me at cake vodka
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
